Piecing it back together.

I tortured myself so much today. How many times will I have to learn the same old lessons? This amazing person has owned my heart and thoughts for four years, and nothing can shake the hold. I’ve dated, I’ve taken lovers, I’ve even had a beautiful relationship, but…always…always…I go back to loving this one. I knew since we were younger. We were such good friends… When does it stop? When do I stop drinking the poison that is being in their presence? Have you ever flogged yourself? I feel like I have. Punishing myself by continuing to long after what I will never have. She…yes she…owns me and knows it, but she won’t do anything with it. The door to her soul is wide open to me, I explore it almost daily. Every room, every dusty corner…I’ve been in the deepest darkest recesses of her mind, but I can’t bring my heart in. She just let’s it sit at her doorstep waiting for me to pick it up on my way out. As usual, I always move on to the next interested person with eagerness, hoping, praying, begging that they might be the one who helps me forget. Never. You’re always here. I spent way too much time with you today.