Piecing it back together.

I am not a leader. I’m not! I would love to be, but you really wouldn’t know it from the way acted (or rather, haven’t acted) over the past few months. Listing a bunch of qualities that make someone a leader here would be the obvious and (for me) annoying choice, so I won’t. Just know that I’m failing miserably at it. A leader gets it done no matter what. A leader doesn’t let anything, especially not personal circumstances get in the way of success.

If you held me up to those standards right now, you wouldn’t know who I am. You wouldn’t know that I have an organization. You wouldn’t know that I want to build it into a premiere champion of Haitian Diaspora members. You also wouldn’t know that I have a youth choir I need to help rebuild to its former (limited) glory. Or that it’s full of teens looking for any sign that they can be great.

I want, so badly, to push against the ingrained mediocrity that Haitian kids are relegated to. It would take a whole other blog post to get into it, but those of us who grew up in Haitian households are not pushed to become anything special, and we often end up being no more than just cogs in the machine. Ew. I need to do more, but lately I’ve been doing the exact opposite. It’s a crying shame.

Can I turn it around? I don’t know yet. Honestly, I feel the tendrils of depression reaching out at me (Yikes, that was really melodramatic.) I don’t like where I am right now. I have a lot going on, but even more than that, there’s a lot of less-than-good going on immediately around me. My support system needs its own support system, if that makes sense. Anyway, that’s too much for this. I’m just saying though…I am not a leader. Not right now.

Maybe I’m just shrugging.